[Xavier Phibes is walking along a place that looks like a cold damp dungeon.]
Xavier Phibes: Friends, are you bored with your sex life? Do you need a little more swank in your spank? Have we got a little something for you, it’s the Gwenivere Bondage Kit.
[Xavier Phibes picks up the box, on the cover is a full image of Gwen completely tied up and near naked. Gwen prowls over to Xavier Phibes, one arm sliding over his shoulders, her other hand drawing a line down his chest.]
Xavier Phibes: So what’s in it Gwen?
Gwenivere Jordan: Well, Phibes. There's a beginner's ball gag with comfy leather straps. Black, fuzzy handcuffs with adjustable thumb attachments. KY Jelly for when you really wanna get down and dirty. Stainless steel nipple clamps with optional electrode ports. French tickler that comes in either purple, black or red. Leather horse crop, a flail, nine tails, fold out bondage cross, gas masks, edible body paint, and of course a blindfold.
Xavier Phibes: Like I said friends, I wouldn’t sell it if I wouldn’t try it. Let’s see how it works shall we?
[Xavier Phibes rips off his whole suit with obvious complete Velcro ends. Gwenivere pushes him to the ground, sprays the edible body paint all over herself, and shoves Phibes’s face into it. She then picks up the flail from the table and smacks him across the face with it.]
Gwenivere Jordan: On your knees, whelp.
[Xavier Phibes assumes the position, and Gwen puts the ball gag over his neck. She then applies the stainless steel nipple clamps, and hooks them up to a fairly large battery.]
Xavier Phibes: Fuck yes!
[Gwen rips the clamps off his nipples, and then handcuffs him around the fold out cross.]
Xavier Phibes: Tell me I’m a naughty boy!
[Gwen smacks him in the ass with the ninetails, shoves him into the cross, and forces the gag into his mouth. Time elapses over 20 minutes with Gwen letting the handcuffs off. Phibes walks over to where his clothes were, and puts two cigarettes in his mouth, lights them both, and puts one in Gwen’s mouth.]
Xavier Phibes: It’s your turn, and this time I’m getting out the KY Jelly.
[The scene then wanders around over to a random guy in a glittery suit. Phibes nor Gwen are in the shot, however they are clearly heard in the background.]
Announcer: You can buy The…
Gwenivere Jordan: Oh god, fucking put it in harder!
Announcer: As I was saying…
[Gwen continues to scream out orgasmic noises.]
Announcer: YOU CAN BUY THE GWENIVERE JORDAN LIL DOMME BONDAGE KIT AND OTHER FINE ITEMS IN THE XAVIER PHIBES CATALOGUE! Jesus fucking Christ you two, get a room… I fucking quit this job.